"leave me alone"

it's just an absolute take. nowadays, everything has changed. let me be the first to say that i don't like it.

a quarter of my closest friends have fucked off to opposite ends of the country, starting new lives, having an amazing time. i'm either jealous or angry. i think it's both. they're going somewhere with their lives, they have so much fun at university, made new friends. what do i have? none of that.

i saw my ex the other day. big mistake. everything was just like old times, amazing, easy, fun. we kissed + it was electric. two days later it's all the same old shit.

"i've had enough. actually fuck off. leave me alone"

absolutely brilliant.

there is nothing like this. for a while i genuinely didn't believe in heartbreak. i thought, how can your heartbreak just from someone breaking up with you? surely you'd just be sad because they don't love you anymore.

how, how wrong i was. it's not just sad, it's like grieving. the boy i knew, that spent nearly everyday with me for six months has pretty much died. that guy doesn't exist anymore, and i'm quite sure he's not coming back. it's not just that though. i miss him so much. when i'm on my own and i'm left to think by myself, every day i spent with him runs through my head like a movie. it's tearing and i hate it.

i hate loving him and i hate missing him and i hate all of it.

my family is pretty much falling apart. this news coming to you after my idiot dad actually said the words "how would you feel if i left your mother" to me.

how the fuck am i supposed to deal with that? on top of everything, the woman is losing the plot. she drinks way too much, she's an evil bitch, she's spent the last three days accusing my dad of cheating on her and about ten minutes ago she told me i was no asset to her and i was an embarassment. then she proceeded to, once again, kick me out of my house.

my entire life, every aspect, is slowly falling apart. i have nothing left. i had everything i ever wanted three months ago. to the day.

now i have nothing.

the one person that should be next to me isn't. if he was here? i'd be happy.