oh and, by the way.
i hope y'all have an amazing year too.
apart from the person i hate. i hope all the pain you inflicted this year comes back to bite you in the next.
Friday, 31 December 2010
"start all over"
new year's eve. you definitely snuck up on me. a year ago to the day, i was getting ready to go to my friend's house for her very secret but equally as huge party. if i'd have known that 2010 would kick me in the arse the way it did... i would have done something a lot more different.
so when it hits midnight tonight, that's it. i'm gonna start all over. i'm gonna reinvent myself, and as much as i love my ex-boyfriend, i'm going to make a massive effort to get over him and not talk about him as much. i'm gonna eat better and exercise more (that one will probably go out the window around the 3rd of january... and that's me being generous...) and i'm going to make more memories.
i found that since i turned 18, my life has literally skated past me... five months seems like five minutes... i've had a birthday, gone on holiday, broken up with my boyfriend... then got back together... then broken up... then got back together... then broken up for the last time. it's all a blur, and i can't remember where a lot of my year and life has gone. therefore, i'm going to make memories and when i'm sat here in a year's time, i can look back and safely say "i've had a great year"
because i damn well can't do it now.
so when it hits midnight tonight, that's it. i'm gonna start all over. i'm gonna reinvent myself, and as much as i love my ex-boyfriend, i'm going to make a massive effort to get over him and not talk about him as much. i'm gonna eat better and exercise more (that one will probably go out the window around the 3rd of january... and that's me being generous...) and i'm going to make more memories.
i found that since i turned 18, my life has literally skated past me... five months seems like five minutes... i've had a birthday, gone on holiday, broken up with my boyfriend... then got back together... then broken up... then got back together... then broken up for the last time. it's all a blur, and i can't remember where a lot of my year and life has gone. therefore, i'm going to make memories and when i'm sat here in a year's time, i can look back and safely say "i've had a great year"
because i damn well can't do it now.
Friday, 24 December 2010
"so this is christmas"
i'm fully aware that most of what i write is pretty much "the chronicles of a broken heart" and maybe that's what i should title my blog. but the initial point of me writing here, is so that i can honestly express my own opinions without anyone giving me crap about it. so here's what i think of christmas.
call me scrooge, call me lame or boring, i don't really care. i do not like christmas.
three or four years ago, it was MY holiday. i lived for it. come december the first, i'd be singing all the songs, wandering around school in my reindeer antlers, not giving a shit who looked at me funny because i LOVED christmas. this year, i wore my antlers and santa-bear socks in irony.
no-one knows the real value of christmas anymore if i'm perfectly honest. in about six hours, spoilt children everywhere will be waking up and rushing into their parents bedroom screaming "PRESENTS". they don't care what happens afterwards, the christmas dinner, the party games, stupid fucking hats that fall out of crackers. they just want their presents. and to be blunt, they probably won't really be that grateful for them.
christmas in my eyes is about spending time with family and friends, having a drink and a laugh and maybe some dinner. tonight was the epitome of my ideal christmas (missing my best friend because she had work, which also added to my un-festive foul mood)
most of the people i hold very dear spent the evening at one of my friends house. considering how close we are, it was pretty much like spending time with family. we all had a drink (some WAY more than others) and sang a lovely song about sexual innuendo, which i personally loved. then we sat down to a nice meal. not a generic turkey dinner with way too much to go with it. bangers and mash. fucking ace if you ask me, simple and not pretentious. loved it. we shared presents, because we're still a little bit commercial. one each. understated, and everyone got something personal. my "little sister" got me a beautiful silver rolling tin, and as a smoker, i freaking loved it. perfect. who the fuck needs thirty eight presents they're gonna forget about in a few weeks? i'm gonna use that damn tin everyday. watch me.
as soon as it hit midnight.
"MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!"
"YAY IT'S CHRISTMAS"
"OH MY GOD, CHRISTMAS! WOOOOO!"
then the songs came out.
"SO HERE IT IS MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY'S HAVING FUN!"
"SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS! AND I HOPE YOU HAVE FUN!"
what the fuck? how am i supposed to have fun on a holiday like this? it's bullshit.
my friend works in a supermarket, and he told us that all the food that "best befores" on christmas day and boxing day was thrown into a huge bin. bags and bags of bread, meat, everything. i'm furious? there's people on the streets of london, freezing to death, starving hungry, completely alone on a holiday which encourages togetherness and this supermarket throws out a shitload of food because it can't be sold on their shelves? it sickens me. i'm almost tempted to go there, steal all the food out of the bins and take it to the shelters, because it's just stupid, pointless waste that could save someone's life.
this is why i don't like christmas. everyone's so about the holiday, the fact that it's a day off work or a week or two off school. it's not about that. not that anyone cares anymore.
it breaks my heart (back to the chronicle) to think that i'm without my ex at christmas. in fact, i'm completely sure that if i was still with him, i'd love every five minutes of christmas. but that's not the case. on the way home tonight, i fantasised about what would have been. boxing day at my house with my entire family, he'd be invited, obviously. we'd play stupid board games, and take the piss out of each other. my ex would make a phenomenal arse of himself and it'd be beautiful. and that's all i can think about.
absolutely fuck you, commercialised holidays. i hate christmas. but i hate it more that i'm alone.
no-one to kiss under the mistletoe, no-one to wake up with or sit by the fire with. it's shit.
a couple of days ago i had my friend deliver him a present. if you've read my previous posts, you'll know the significance of a white rose. so i bought him one white rose. i don't know if it meant anything to him, or if it will change anything, because he hasn't spoken to me. i don't really know what to make of it. but i guess, funnily enough, i'm hoping for a christmas miracle.
i know i talk like i'm the only person in the world with these problems, i know i'm not. but this is how i feel about them, so i'll discuss it, because otherwise i might explode from all the pent up anger.
fuck you christmas. thankyou for making me miserable, once again. at least you never fail to be predictable.
call me scrooge, call me lame or boring, i don't really care. i do not like christmas.
three or four years ago, it was MY holiday. i lived for it. come december the first, i'd be singing all the songs, wandering around school in my reindeer antlers, not giving a shit who looked at me funny because i LOVED christmas. this year, i wore my antlers and santa-bear socks in irony.
no-one knows the real value of christmas anymore if i'm perfectly honest. in about six hours, spoilt children everywhere will be waking up and rushing into their parents bedroom screaming "PRESENTS". they don't care what happens afterwards, the christmas dinner, the party games, stupid fucking hats that fall out of crackers. they just want their presents. and to be blunt, they probably won't really be that grateful for them.
christmas in my eyes is about spending time with family and friends, having a drink and a laugh and maybe some dinner. tonight was the epitome of my ideal christmas (missing my best friend because she had work, which also added to my un-festive foul mood)
most of the people i hold very dear spent the evening at one of my friends house. considering how close we are, it was pretty much like spending time with family. we all had a drink (some WAY more than others) and sang a lovely song about sexual innuendo, which i personally loved. then we sat down to a nice meal. not a generic turkey dinner with way too much to go with it. bangers and mash. fucking ace if you ask me, simple and not pretentious. loved it. we shared presents, because we're still a little bit commercial. one each. understated, and everyone got something personal. my "little sister" got me a beautiful silver rolling tin, and as a smoker, i freaking loved it. perfect. who the fuck needs thirty eight presents they're gonna forget about in a few weeks? i'm gonna use that damn tin everyday. watch me.
as soon as it hit midnight.
"MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!"
"YAY IT'S CHRISTMAS"
"OH MY GOD, CHRISTMAS! WOOOOO!"
then the songs came out.
"SO HERE IT IS MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY'S HAVING FUN!"
"SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS! AND I HOPE YOU HAVE FUN!"
what the fuck? how am i supposed to have fun on a holiday like this? it's bullshit.
my friend works in a supermarket, and he told us that all the food that "best befores" on christmas day and boxing day was thrown into a huge bin. bags and bags of bread, meat, everything. i'm furious? there's people on the streets of london, freezing to death, starving hungry, completely alone on a holiday which encourages togetherness and this supermarket throws out a shitload of food because it can't be sold on their shelves? it sickens me. i'm almost tempted to go there, steal all the food out of the bins and take it to the shelters, because it's just stupid, pointless waste that could save someone's life.
this is why i don't like christmas. everyone's so about the holiday, the fact that it's a day off work or a week or two off school. it's not about that. not that anyone cares anymore.
it breaks my heart (back to the chronicle) to think that i'm without my ex at christmas. in fact, i'm completely sure that if i was still with him, i'd love every five minutes of christmas. but that's not the case. on the way home tonight, i fantasised about what would have been. boxing day at my house with my entire family, he'd be invited, obviously. we'd play stupid board games, and take the piss out of each other. my ex would make a phenomenal arse of himself and it'd be beautiful. and that's all i can think about.
absolutely fuck you, commercialised holidays. i hate christmas. but i hate it more that i'm alone.
no-one to kiss under the mistletoe, no-one to wake up with or sit by the fire with. it's shit.
a couple of days ago i had my friend deliver him a present. if you've read my previous posts, you'll know the significance of a white rose. so i bought him one white rose. i don't know if it meant anything to him, or if it will change anything, because he hasn't spoken to me. i don't really know what to make of it. but i guess, funnily enough, i'm hoping for a christmas miracle.
i know i talk like i'm the only person in the world with these problems, i know i'm not. but this is how i feel about them, so i'll discuss it, because otherwise i might explode from all the pent up anger.
fuck you christmas. thankyou for making me miserable, once again. at least you never fail to be predictable.
Wednesday, 22 December 2010
"soz luv"
this is quite funny, you absolutely have to hear this. it's ridiculous.
so a couple of months ago i met this guy through one of my close friends. he's gorgeous and cocky but in the good way, or so i thought.
we got together at a friends house and i thought everything was fine. except they weren't because he was definitely seeing someone else.
but regardless, we kept messing around for the next few weeks. until he disappeared off to pilot academy and it all died down after he texted me saying he wanted to be with the other girl permanently.
after what happened to me with my ex, this was absolutely nothing, so i wasn't really that badly affected by it.
then, his little girlfriend broke up with him. guess who gets a text? ...is it me? of course it is.
so we start texting again, he comes home for the weekend and comes to see me. things kick off again. we spend a whole week texting each other, and he sent graphic texts. all were filled with just how much he wanted me. until he came home and couldn't give me five minutes...
"sorry, i've got mates round"
"sorry, these girls are staying at mine"
bullshit. he's such a twat it's unbelievable.
the best part? we were supposed to go to a party at our friend's house, where his ex-girlfriend would be. he said he was gonna try and go to it, but he'd leave early since he had to drive back to university.
funny how he said he couldn't go... and then his ex didn't show up? even though all her friends said she was supposed to?
i texted him saying "you should have come to the party tonight"
to which his reply was
"soz luv"
OH WOW. there is just way too much feeling in that for me to handle. what a joke.
that was four days ago, and just now have i received a message from him saying "alright baaaaabes, sorry i ain't spoken to you, i've been busy"
give a fuck mate. i so can't be asked to be dicked around by you.
see you later.
so a couple of months ago i met this guy through one of my close friends. he's gorgeous and cocky but in the good way, or so i thought.
we got together at a friends house and i thought everything was fine. except they weren't because he was definitely seeing someone else.
but regardless, we kept messing around for the next few weeks. until he disappeared off to pilot academy and it all died down after he texted me saying he wanted to be with the other girl permanently.
after what happened to me with my ex, this was absolutely nothing, so i wasn't really that badly affected by it.
then, his little girlfriend broke up with him. guess who gets a text? ...is it me? of course it is.
so we start texting again, he comes home for the weekend and comes to see me. things kick off again. we spend a whole week texting each other, and he sent graphic texts. all were filled with just how much he wanted me. until he came home and couldn't give me five minutes...
"sorry, i've got mates round"
"sorry, these girls are staying at mine"
bullshit. he's such a twat it's unbelievable.
the best part? we were supposed to go to a party at our friend's house, where his ex-girlfriend would be. he said he was gonna try and go to it, but he'd leave early since he had to drive back to university.
funny how he said he couldn't go... and then his ex didn't show up? even though all her friends said she was supposed to?
i texted him saying "you should have come to the party tonight"
to which his reply was
"soz luv"
OH WOW. there is just way too much feeling in that for me to handle. what a joke.
that was four days ago, and just now have i received a message from him saying "alright baaaaabes, sorry i ain't spoken to you, i've been busy"
give a fuck mate. i so can't be asked to be dicked around by you.
see you later.
"may i cut in?"
you know how sometimes, you have a MONUMENTALLY shit time.
i've had a monumentally shit six months.
at the start of 2010, i genuinely said to myself "okay. here it is. this is your year, make it happen"
january was spent hung up on someone who i thought was god. clearly he was not. in the slightest. in fact, he was a bit of a knob. thankfully, we're friends now, and when i look back i think "i seriously cried over him? foolish girl"
february was kind of that "here we go again, valentines day approaches. fuck everyone".
however, i spent the 14th with my best friend, we ate our weight in junk food and got pretty drunk. not too bad.
march. oh march. the start of all of my happiness, and subsequently all of my problems. on march 20th, i shared the first kiss i had with the guy who currently means more to me than anyone else in the entire world.
april, may, june and july. all beautiful. may 8th, me and my boyfriend became an "official" couple, whatever that means. we were a lovely couple, and he was so sweet to me. when we both went on holiday with our friends, we missed each other like crazy and that's when i finally realised that i loved him.
side note: portugal with eleven of your closest friends, in an absolutely beautiful villa? nirvana.
august. ruined my life.
i shouldn't be ungrateful. i was thrown seven months of heaven... and apparently it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? whoever said that clearly never went through heartbreak.
the last five months have been agony.
heartbreak, insomnia, nightmares, tears.
until six days ago :)
last thursday one of my friends took me to go and see lady gaga in concert. she was incredible and inspirational and completed lifted my spirits.
friday, saturday and sunday were filled with parties and drinks with my friends having an awesome time.
monday. i met someone absolutely amazing.
one of my best friends threw a party for christmas and his friend from university was there.
this guy was incredible? he's gorgeous, he's funny, he's smart and he's just about the nicest boy i've ever met in my entire life. he came over to dance with me and genuinely said the words "may i cut in?". just how cute is that?!
plus, i was stupidly drunk, and he didn't try and take advantage of me? that's unusual for me.
i love talking to him, he's such a great guy... and even though i'm not over my ex, i'm hoping that this guy is gonna help me.
2011. it's gonna be my year.
i've had a monumentally shit six months.
at the start of 2010, i genuinely said to myself "okay. here it is. this is your year, make it happen"
january was spent hung up on someone who i thought was god. clearly he was not. in the slightest. in fact, he was a bit of a knob. thankfully, we're friends now, and when i look back i think "i seriously cried over him? foolish girl"
february was kind of that "here we go again, valentines day approaches. fuck everyone".
however, i spent the 14th with my best friend, we ate our weight in junk food and got pretty drunk. not too bad.
march. oh march. the start of all of my happiness, and subsequently all of my problems. on march 20th, i shared the first kiss i had with the guy who currently means more to me than anyone else in the entire world.
april, may, june and july. all beautiful. may 8th, me and my boyfriend became an "official" couple, whatever that means. we were a lovely couple, and he was so sweet to me. when we both went on holiday with our friends, we missed each other like crazy and that's when i finally realised that i loved him.
side note: portugal with eleven of your closest friends, in an absolutely beautiful villa? nirvana.
august. ruined my life.
i shouldn't be ungrateful. i was thrown seven months of heaven... and apparently it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? whoever said that clearly never went through heartbreak.
the last five months have been agony.
heartbreak, insomnia, nightmares, tears.
until six days ago :)
last thursday one of my friends took me to go and see lady gaga in concert. she was incredible and inspirational and completed lifted my spirits.
friday, saturday and sunday were filled with parties and drinks with my friends having an awesome time.
monday. i met someone absolutely amazing.
one of my best friends threw a party for christmas and his friend from university was there.
this guy was incredible? he's gorgeous, he's funny, he's smart and he's just about the nicest boy i've ever met in my entire life. he came over to dance with me and genuinely said the words "may i cut in?". just how cute is that?!
plus, i was stupidly drunk, and he didn't try and take advantage of me? that's unusual for me.
i love talking to him, he's such a great guy... and even though i'm not over my ex, i'm hoping that this guy is gonna help me.
2011. it's gonna be my year.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)