"i've decided not to care"

i find it really funny how something massive can happen, yet there's a lot of massive not caring that goes with it... yet when something relatively small happens, the biggest fuss usually follows it.

my best friend found out today that there's something not right with her. it's hard to explain, mainly because it wasn't really explained to me very well, but i'm pretty sure even if i had everything written out in crayon i still wouldn't be able to tell it how it is. long story short, her entire genetic make-up is wrong. this has serious implications for her future, her kids are probably going to be affected by it, if she can have any.

but what i find insane, is that she doesn't seem to care?

yeah, there's nothing she can do about it at all but i feel like she should be a little bit more emotional about it. i'm happy that she's not falling apart at the seams but on the other hand, what if she does fall apart at the seams? later. when i'm not there to put everything back together?

this is pretty much what i do. i fix everything. since i was 15, life threw every possible piece of crap my way, so i had to deal with it when i was still a child. but i did, in bad ways, in good ways, in long ways, but i dealt. that's what i bring to my friends. experience in all kinds of shit so that i can help. i always, always help. there are very few times when i haven't had a clue how to help, and in those cases i've got so stressed out, purely because i can't do what i'm good at.

this is one of those times. this is one of those few things i just haven't been through. so i don't know how to help. my other issue is that she's had a lot of stuff to deal with in the last year. a monumental amount of absolute bollocks that no-one should have to deal with in one year, but she did, and she did it well.

now all of a sudden she's taking it out on the people she's holds dearest. maybe it's just the way she needs to cope, but we're her friends and it's almost like she's attacking us. i hate to be horrible about her, she's my best friend, but i suppose here is the only place where i can do it, since she'll never know about it. i hope.

the point is that she's different. since i got back with my boyfriend she hasn't been very forthcoming. one of my other friends really likes her and she completely crushed him yesterday without even batting an eyelid. her exact words today were "i've decided not to care". ouch.

i don't know, maybe it is her way of dealing with stuff, but if i'm completely honest, i'd rather she didn't. i'd rather she cried into my shoulder or went out and got drunk or whatever, but right now she needs people and i'm very worried that she's going to push people away.